Heavy vs. Hovering

When we tell our friends that we are moving to Europe, a frequent comment is, “Wow, how fortunate you had already been minimizing and getting rid of so much stuff!”  And they are correct.  The move will be much simpler because of it, and we will be able to easily fit everything we own into small European living quarters.

But the nuance that many overlook is that a big part of a reason we are making this move is BECAUSE we simplified and downsized.  It’s not just a nice coincidental side benefit.  Rather, it’s actually one of the key causes of the move in the first place.

I believe it’s all about attitude and state of mind, which is backed up by your “physical” life.  It’s about the direction in which your life is already pointing.

So, humor me for a couple minutes.  Picture a 2500 square foot house (about average these days in the U.S. – can you believe it?).  Picture it full of stuff.  Not excessive, hoarder-level stuff—just the typical U.S. household.  Multiple couches, beds, dressers full of clothes, bookshelves full of books, entertainment centers and equipment, 2 or more cars, recreational equipment, bins of decorations for various holidays, kids toys and gear, house and yard care equipment, rarely used "formal" or "spare" rooms with rarely used furniture, etc.

When I picture this dwelling, these are the words and feelings that fill my senses:

Heaviness

Weight

Roots

Planted

Entrenched

Dug in

Permanence

Pointing down, into the ground

Now picture a house maybe ½ that size.  Picture very sparse furniture, and none of it very heavy (i.e. beds with just a frame, no large, heavy head and foot boards).  Picture it containing relatively limited amounts of the items in the larger house, such as extensive holiday decorations, bookshelves, dressers, multiple cars, and lots of stuff in indefinite “storage” in the garage.

(bedroom = a bed room.  period.)

(Now for those of you who are already thinking “bland and boring,” I’ll just quickly interject one of my favorite quotes: "Minimalism may appear plain and boring to begin with, but that is only true when your view of life is limited to physical possessions.")

Anyhow, when I picture this second dwelling, these are the words and feelings that fill my senses:

Lightness

Weightlessness

Hovering

Floating

Flexiblity

Portablility

Free space

Clarity

Pointing outward, upward

The more (and heavier) physical possessions you acquire, the more you physically entrench yourself where you are.  I’m not typically a “new age” sort of gal, but I really believe it’s a life energy you embody.  I am in no way saying that a person or family with a big house and a lot of heavy stuff doesn’t move overseas (or whether they should or shouldn’t).  It happens all the time.

I just think it’s often slower and harder.  You have more to “lose,” and you have to sort of dig yourself out of where you are so heavily planted to look up and out, before you see or open yourself to the possibility.  You may not even think it’s possible, or focus primarily on the reasons it’s not.  You may casually hope that it would “happen to you.”  But you must make the transition from looking downward and inward to looking upward and outward, and there’s some inertia that accompanies the physical heaviness of your life that you must overcome to do so.  And even if you do go, you may find that you can’t bring everything you own; you must leave some of its girth and bulk behind.  But you “might need it again someday,” so its weight stays with you and you can never fully detach from it.

All I’m saying is that minimalism and this move are connected more intimately than you might think.  We didn’t wish an opportunity to move overseas would someday “happen to us.”  We were already ready.  We were looking outward.  We were open.  We had little to risk and much to gain.  We were light, floating—ready to seize an opportunity at a moment’s notice.  We were hovering.

Curly Girl

I read this book and it changed my life.

And it was about hair.

I've read a few books that have changed my life, actually. But hair? Silliness, right?

I've never been overly concerned with my outward appearance. As a child and even a teenager, I was a tomboy. My careers as a teacher and then stay-at-home mom, while demanding, never demanded high fashion. In my thirties I've displayed a bit more effort figuring out how to be a grown up. I've worked a little on my wardrobe and on wearing real makeup for grown up women every once in awhile. I exercise. Sure, I go through phases of more heightened vanity, and the occasional boredom-inspired bout of "caring," but ultimately I've gotta be on the low end of the spectrum when it comes to maintenance of my looks. Just don't care enough to spend the time and money to look anything beyond "presentable," at least at this stage of my life (she says as the TV cameras swoop in for horrific surprise makeover).

I've occasionally blow-dried my hair straight over the years, and I've experimented with a flat-iron in the last few months. And I tend to get compliments on my hair when it's straight (and I admit I feel a slight twinge of sadness when that happens). I'll often straighten it if I know an important photo will be taken. Because, with curly hair, and as only a curly girl can testify, you just never know.

Suffice it to say, the real F-word is "Frizz."

If you have curly hair, or even a bit wavy hair, and especially if you have a daughter with curly hair, you must read this book. Even if you decide not to follow the hair-care instructions exactly*, the overall message is important: Stop trying to make your hair into something it's not. Embrace what it is as beautiful, and treat it tender care. Ditch the blow-dryers and flat-irons and chemical relaxers (and even combs and regular shampoos!) and begin treating your hair the way curly hair likes to be treated. Even occasionally dabbling in that stuff will only set you back. With patience, allow your curly hair to become the best curly hair it can be, and be a good role model for the other curly girls in your life by accepting it joyfully.

So, in the end, hair is hair. It doesn't define who we are or our worth. But we can all do a better job accepting ourselves, both outside and in.

I can get behind that.

*they've been working very well on my hair for the past couple weeks!

Proactive Helping

My main disclaimer here is that I'm writing this as a reminder to myself!

We hear a friend or relative is having a difficult time. We sympathize, or even deeply empathize. We want to help. So, we respond:

"Let me know if you need anything. Really, I mean it! Don't hesitate to ask."

"Let me know if you'd like me to bring you a meal."

"Let me know if you want to come over for dinner."

"Call me if you need to talk."

"Let me know if I can help."

"I'll be thinking of you."

Our offers of help and comfort are sincere and well-intentioned. Encouraging words are wonderful. Letting someone know you care and you're there if they need you is great. All of these gestures are welcome and appreciated. All our responses come from a real, heartfelt desire to help.

But, if you're the one who's struggling, how often do you actually contact these people and ask them to make good on their offers???

If you're like me, the answer is almost never. Or, possibly, just plain never.

But here's what I think is the real problem. When we're on the help-offering end, although we sincerely feel for the person, we're not really taking the initiative - taking action. I fervently believe we can't just assume that if they didn't call or contact you, they must be okay. In a culture where people don't drop by unannounced, we live separate from our extended families, we value privacy, we like to be independent and in control, (and if we're brutally honest, we're just too busy and over-scheduled with our own stuff to do things for others), there are so many barriers on both sides to tangibly helping each other.

To overcome these obstacles, I think we need to change our response. So, the next time you know of a friend in need, you might try one of these approaches:

"I would like to bring you dinner. What day can I bring one next week? Wednesday, Friday or Saturday would work great on my end, will any of those work for you?"

"I'd like to drop a meal off on Monday afternoon and you can put it in the freezer for when you need it. Let me know when you'll be home."

"I would like to have you over for dinner. What day works for you next week? Friday's a good day for us, but if that doesn't work let's figure out something else."

"I would like to take your kids for a couple hours next week - will Thursday morning work for you?"

"I'd like to come over Saturday and help you move/unpack/keep you company/help with XYZ...what time should I show up?"

Any of these approaches get a real conversation going between you and your friend. It becomes a given that the help WILL happen - it's only a matter of where and when.

And CALL! It's much harder for someone to pass up your offer when you have the person on the phone. We all know that in this day and age, an actual call means so much.

Or, dare I say, don't even ask. Just figure out a way to show up at the door, drop something off, etc. We can make excuses all day long for why this isn't appropriate, or what if they're in their pajamas or not home...just get past this and figure out a way to make it happen.

And take it a step further - if your first attempt doesn't work for schedule or logistical or unexpected reasons, avoid thinking, "we'll, I tried." Most of the time you can tell if they did really want it to work out somehow. Figure out a way to reschedule or try a different strategy or mode of helping. So many of us pride ourselves on being persistent and driven in other aspects of our lives; we can certainly channel these qualities into helping others.

I know we can't all do this for everyone all the time. But I sure think it would be great if we could try it more often. Let's get all up in each others' lives and business, yo?

Anyway, that's all.

Ditchin’ the DVDs

Well, the cases anyway.

This was harder than I thought it would be.

But I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.

We’ve already been gradually whittling down our books and DVDs. Eventually, we’ll probably be close to 100% digital/cloud/whatever, but until time and money permit, we’ll just work with what we have and continue gradually purging anything we wouldn’t want to watch/read over and over again, or loan out to friends. We don't currently have Netflix or HuluPlus or anything like that.

Just to be clear, I love old-fashioned, regular old books and will probably always have a few favorites around to treasure. But I don’t need tons. We are avid patrons of the public library. One shelf-worth of grown-up books and one shelf of kid books to own at any given time will suffice for me. Except for a handful of odds and ends in storage, we’re pretty much down to that after my latest purge.

But back to the DVDs. Today I ditched the cases and liner notes. It was hard – some of them really are kind of special. The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition has lovely artwork all over the box. West Side Story Collector’s Edition comes with a script. But like many of you, I did this with my CDs a long time ago. I had to ask myself now, do I ever think longly about all those liner notes and cases? The answer is no. So I was ready.

I had an old CD binder laying around with a few random CDs in it, so once I sorted through those and consolidated, I used that binder for all the DVDs. Now I can get rid of an entire bookcase in my bedroom (also used to contain a few books, but was able to consolidate those to the one-kid-one-adult-shelves) and a crap-load of worthless plastic. And our movie collection is now so portable, compact, and easily accessed, at least considering it's non-digital.

And it was hard--but only while I was actually doing it. Now, I'm completely fine. And that reminded me of an important downsizing lesson. A lot of people tell me they just can't do it. They may be referring to a certain item or a group of items. They really would like to do it, but just can't. Today, I was reminded that, yes, it is kind of a bummer and it does actually hurt! I realized that I need to do a better job of acknowledging that this is true.

It hurts, but the end result is worth it, and it feels great.

Like so many things in life, eh?

Note: We're still holding on to our actual CDs in a binder because we like to listen to them in our older-model car on road trips, but I once I have time to make sure they're all burned into iTunes and I'll probably ditch 99% of them. It's a process!

Top 10 Reasons Why a Minimalsist Would Host a Jewelry Party

(Okay, why this minimalist would host a jewelry party. Not speaking for all of them.)

I suppose to some, "minimalist" and "jewelry party" could appear to be a contradiction in terms. For the benefit of all the doubters, nay-sayers, and people who enjoy mocking me out of general principle, I made this list of reasons why I'm hosting one.

Without further ado, in no particular order:

1. The Jeweler. Nikki is a super cool person and I want an excuse to hang out with her and introduce others to her awesomeness. She is funny, smart, genuine, brave, extremely generous, and also one-of-a-kind – just like her jewelry!
2. The story of Nikki’s jewelry business is inspiring. A couple of years ago her husband was out of work and they needed to put food on the table. She tapped into her creativity to help take care of her family. I love that!
3. Nikki reuses and recycles many materials in her jewelry. Reducing waste and being resourceful – what could be more minimalist than that?
4. Accessories are a minimalist’s plucky sidekick. They allow you to own fewer clothes and make outfits “different” by varying the accessories. Jewelry, in particular, takes up so much less space than clothes.
5. Girl time. Adult conversation. ‘Nuff said.
6. Hospitality is one of my core values. But I’m not a natural at this – it tends to stress me out, balancing getting food ready (ooo, not a natural at this either, even under normal circumstances) and the house clean while simultaneously managing the kids. But I think it is important, and I like the end result, so it’s good practice for me.
7. I will be extra lonely. Pete will be in France for much of November and December and I won’t be able to go out, so why not have people in? (Yep, I just played the pity card.)
8. People have been asking me to host another one. I don’t like to disappoint.
9. It’s more like an art show than a typical hostess party. I want people to come admire art, celebrate creativity, and be inspired.
10. An excuse to eat yummy snacks. And yes, I will provide wine.

So come check out some Pierced Zebra Jewelry on Wednesday, November 30th, anytime between 7-9pm, my place!

Craigslist Tips - Selling

Disclaimers:

• I’m not a CL expert. I just like it.
• The simplest way to get rid of something is to donate it without a tax receipt.
• These are not safety tips. I find safety tips to be quite dull. I’ll let you figure out if you want to invite your buyer into your living room for a cup of tea, or meet in a public location with body guards. Everyone has a different comfort level.

For the purpose of this post, let’s say you are selling, oh, a nightstand.

1. Be mindful of common misspellings, alternate names and spacing, and plural versions. I usually type some of these words at the bottom of the post just to catch anyone who spells it “night stands” instead of “nightstands.”

2. Scope out the competition - do a search for your item to find out what other people are selling similar items for and try to be the best deal out there. Also keep in mind that if you live way out in the boonies you might need to offer a lower price.

3. Post big pictures - you have the option of uploading 4 pictures at the bottom of your post. All well and good. But if you’ve seen the ads with “img” at the end instead of “pic,” these have lots and lots of huge pictures. You want to be one of these, particularly if you’re selling a more expensive or nuanced item. I’m sure there are lots of ways to do this, but I use photobucket.com. I upload the pictures to this site, shrink them a bit so the post doesn’t take ages to load, and copy the HTML code it generates into the text of your post. I really do think items sell better and faster when I take the time to do this step.

4. Use a separate email address dedicated to your craigslist account. That way, if you’ve got an email account that saves the address of everyone who emails you, your contacts won’t be clogged with the addresses of everyone who showed interest in your crap at one time or another.

5. Tell the buyer exactly what he/she needs to do. I typically say:

“Please email with:

1) your name

2) your phone number

3) time/day you can pick up.

4) city or general area you’re coming from

I only recently started including #4, especially if I know I’m going to get a lot of responses. It’s just another way of filtering through otherwise equal candidates and potentially speeding up the process. Anyway, this list gives you the info you want, while also weeding out the non-serious, too picky, or simply incoherent folks. Subsequently, this becomes the type of response email you are looking for:

“Hi,

1) Joe Smith

2) 503-999-9999

3) 1pm today

4) SW Portland

Thanks.”

Joe Smith can read and follow directions. Thus, he will find my house. He will bring money - actual U.S. currency, and maybe not even a giant plastic bag of coins. He will not be trying to drive here from Eastern Oregon. He’s not asking picky questions about the merchandise, he’s motivated and he wants it as-is. All valuable (yet sadly rare) characteristics among craigslist shoppers. And yes, the most awesome people will actually number back their responses like that!

6. I never put my own phone number in the ad because I don’t like giving up control over who I actually talk to. Let your email be your initial filter. This is not a safety tip. It is a control-freak tip.

7. The goal is to make it go away - the money is only an added bonus. My husband would say I price things way too low. But he can’t argue with the fact that our stuff sells fast, often within the hour. Maybe you like waiting around to see how much money you can get. But for me, once I have decided I don’t want something, it’s as if it begins to rot in my house. When it’s gone, I can stop thinking about it and move on with my life. This is a letting-go-of-stuff muscle that gets better with practice.

8. Don’t forget the “free” option! I know this post is supposed to be about selling stuff but I just couldn't resist! There’s nothing better than having someone take a gigantic something you don’t want anymore off your hands. Don't get hung up on missing a tax credit, you'll live. It's worth it to see who gets to have your stuff - they are always happy and grateful for the gift.

What are your favorite Craigslist "selling" tips?

Blanks

Sometimes I just wonder..

It’s fall. New routines, new activities, and new schedules.

Of course, we’ve got to have our kids involved in “extracurriculars.” It’s just what we M/UMCs do. They’ve got to have an opportunity to make friends, to learn “socialization.” They’ve got to develop a skill, a passion, a talent. They’ve got to develop their strengths. And shore up their weaknesses. Be well-rounded individuals. They’ve got to get exercise, learn teamwork, leadership, or to just plain follow directions. They must have fun – structured, organized fun. They’ve got to keep up academically. And whatever they do, they’ve got to start early/right away/ASAP/yikes, we should have started last year!

It’s fall. We run from activity to activity.

It’s fall. Our schedules are full.

It’s fall. We are already stressed, over-extended, overwhelmed. We are BUSY.

But it’s okay. We’re all in the same busy-busy-boat. Our culture acknowledges this. So now, we are taught it’s okay to say NO. We must learn to say NO, even to the good opportunities. It’s healthy and right and good and sanity-preserving to say NO.

So now we go around being busy and saying NO all the time.

Does this seem backwards to anyone else?

Sure, you’ve got to learn to say NO. But what is not emphasized enough, I believe, is saying NO a little earlier in the process. Saying NO at the beginning, before we’re even close to full.

Leaving blanks.

Big, fat, awkward-feeling blanks.

Just leave them there.

Until …

We are needed. By someone else. By another family.

Until we can say YES when it counts.

Blanks are opportunities to give ourselves to others when the unexpected need strikes. What percentage of needs are unplanned and unexpected?

(That was a rhetorical question. But I’m betting it’s most.)

Blanks are opportunities to teach our kids that life isn’t about us and our own activities and interests. Sure, we can do special service projects around the holidays or sprinkled throughout the year and involve our children. We can repeatedly admonish them, “Life isn’t about you all the time!” But, in reality, life IS about ourselves and our personal enrichment activities 95% of the time.

What if instead, we taught and practiced service together as a day-to-day lifestyle?

To do this, ya gotta have blanks. Lots of gigantic ones.

I have a new kindergartener this year. Maybe that’s why I’m thinking about and picking on “extracurricular activities” right now – but this could apply to all our involvements and commitments at any age. As I begin to make decisions about all those “extracurriculars,” sometimes I just wonder….

What if our kids’ extracurricular activity was being available to help and be a friend to others? Just whenever. What if we developed this as a special talent, as a way to have fun, in our kids and in our family unit? “Who can we help today, kids?”

What if we said NO. And left it all blank. Or at least mostly blank.

Sometimes I just wonder...